Caregiver Story: Selling the Childhood Home

In the Beginning

Lynn, age 73, grew up in an upstairs bedroom of a small, cottage-style house in Stevens Point, Wisconsin. 房子里没有自来水，也没有室内浴室，只有一个水泵和一个室外厕所. “At night, my brothers used a coal bucket as a toilet, because they didn’t want to go outside in the cold,” Lynn says.

后来，林恩的父亲吉恩(Gene)添置了自来水、浴室和第三间卧室. To build the additions, 他使用了从他工作的苏线铁路场免费得到的废弃木材. Nothing was built to code, but back in those days it didn’t seem to matter, and the added space was comfortable.

没过多久，楼上一间屋子的天花板上就出现了一个大洞——这个洞是林恩两个哥哥中的一个挖的, Ken. 他在床上跳来跳去，突然他的头直接穿过了天花板. 林恩笑着说:“直到今天，你还能看到那块补丁。.

The living room of the house once had an adjacent den, 直到有一天林恩放学回家，发现了她的妈妈, Theresa, hammering through the wall. “你爸爸会很惊讶的，”她说着，把手上的灰尘擦到围裙上. “I want a bigger living room.”

A Home During Good Times and Bad

There were mostly good memories of the house. Lynn says, “The gardens were huge. Remembering them brings me lots of happy memories. 我妈妈总是做很多好吃的，比如自制大黄派.林恩记得她最小的妹妹黛比的出生, Christmas holidays, Easter egg hunts—and of course, her parents’ wedding anniversary gatherings for 50, 60, and finally, 68 years.

But there had been hard times as well. 她父亲下班回到家，坐在厨房的餐桌旁, his face white, his body shaking, after witnessing an accident at the railroad. 当林恩的大哥吉姆去世的消息传来时. 她的父母那时已经80多岁了，坐在同一张桌子旁，悲痛欲绝.

“Where Everything Was”

在18年的时间里，林恩在五个孩子中排行老三，她长大了 in the middle of it all——看着两个哥哥长大离开家，帮助照顾两个妹妹度过最小的岁月.

“这所房子对我来说一直是一个积极的地方，”林恩说. “That’s where we lived. That’s where everything was. 很长一段时间，甚至在我结婚搬走之后，我都会对丈夫说，‘我们回家吧.“在我们有了自己的孩子之前，这里一直是我的家.”

Lynn says, “As an adult, 我童年的家是世界上最好的睡觉的地方, because there, all the responsibilities were off my shoulders. The responsibilities were handed off to my parents. For many years, it was a place where I could relax.”

Changing Responsibilities as Parents Age

As Lynn’s parents entered old age, she shared in their caregiving with her siblings, but it was complicated. 她现在住在明尼苏达州，在家乡以西四小时车程的地方.

林恩说:“当我父母变老的时候，情况就大不一样了. 当我们参观这所房子时，我们非但没有放松，反而感到了一种责任感. My parents’ health, the house, everything.”

Lynn continues, “The caregiver, who we hired after my dad died, would call to tell us about health issues with my mom, and we had to be there no matter what. It felt like a loss of control. 我妹妹纳丁(Nadine)承担了很多照顾家务的责任. 母亲身体越来越虚弱，我们都觉得有责任，但纳丁做的家务更多. She hired the electrician and the real-estate person.”

When the Second Parent Dies

当林恩的母亲96岁去世时，情况与她父亲8年前去世时不同. 这一次，这意味着他们将不得不卖掉房子和里面的几乎所有东西. 林恩说:“我母亲去世后，对我来说，关闭房子就是关闭家园. 那是我们全家聚会的地方，也是我父母的地方.”

出售房子和里面的东西进行得很顺利，但这个过程让人情绪低落. 林恩说:“我打算不带很多东西回家. 兄弟姐妹之间绝对不会为了任何人想要的东西而打架.”

Lynn says, “After the funeral, 我们告诉成年的孙辈们，他们可以在房子里四处看看，找到一件对他们有意义的东西. Logically, I was okay with that. 但情感上，我觉得我们是在拆解我妈妈生活中的东西.”

他们随后举行的房产拍卖让林恩感到不安和悲伤. She says, “The things my parents had worked their whole lives for, people came in and bought for next to nothing. It was sad to see that stuff go.”

林恩觉得他们放弃的不仅仅是房子. 林恩说:“我有一种感觉，关闭我父母的家，我们就关闭了他们的生活. I think that’s what made it so emotionally difficult. There was a sense of them truly being gone.”

A Different Perspective of After Some Time

林恩和她的兄弟姐妹卖掉他们童年的房子已经四年了. 林恩说:“我从来没有想过要保留这所房子. When we drive past the house now, we see holiday decorations, new plantings, and a children’s swing set. Before, we saw the life at the house dwindling down. 当我们现在经过那里时，它就像一个新生命的喜悦.”

在林恩帮忙卖掉父母的房子后，她和自己家的关系发生了变化. Lynn says, “I started thinking about my own stuff. I’ve been asking myself, ‘Do I want more things? Do I want to put my money there?’”

林恩说:“现在我想到我的孩子有一天不得不把我的东西送人. The experience caused me to reevaluate. 当我和姐妹们最后一次穿过房子时，它是空的. We could see all the imperfections. 这是我们第一次把它看作一座建筑而不是一个家.”

Lynn says, “Looking back, it was never about house. I ended up taking very little. 这是我们一家人在这所房子里度过的所有时光的回忆. 我们没有留下爱或回忆，但我们留下了地方.”